Enough
by Laura Mac
Summary: One shot. He knows love isn't enough, that it ever has been. And she can't fight anymore. Not when there's no one left to defend him.


The first time she sees him again is at the funeral. He doesn't say anything at first. But the understanding that washes over him as he surveys her now flattened stomach speaks volume. She is a mother now. And he has become the worthless excuse of a man Harry accused him of being nine months previously. He thinks he always has been.

A broken Arthur half carries his wife out the hall. Others follow, until only they are left. It takes a long moment for her to turn to him, and an even longer moment for him to meet her gaze. She wants to hex him. To hit him and punch him and tell him why he will never deserve her. But she cannot, because no amount of hatred will ever compete with her love for him. And because he does deserve her, he just doesn't know how.

She knows when he's going to say something. It's when he stops looking at her like the love of his life and his expression is replaced with one of utter devastation. "How are you?" he asks, his voice as formal and empty as the day they first meet. As if there exists any capacity for her not to be utterly heart broken by her husband's betrayal. She doesn't reply. Because she knows that if she were to tell him he would let her. He won't fight back, and he certainly won't fight for them. That's her job. And she's done fighting.

She stands up, turning her back on her beloved husband and apperating home to the one thing that has kept her alive these past months. Her son.

The next time is at the wedding. She doesn't realise he's there until the blue haired, forty inch tall, ring bearer tugs on her sleave and points at him across the room. The child is only four and yet he recognises his father from the photos dispersed throughout their home. She nods and together they walk over to meet him. He's terrified, and yet he can't leave because the two people he loves more than anything else in the world, his wife and child, are only metres away.

"Remus, this is Teddy. Teddy, this is Remus, your Dad." He knows what she's doing, and in spite of himself he let's her. Because he knows when he leaves here tonight and begins the transformation this memory will be the only thing that will keep him from tearing himself apart, limb from limb.

He holds out his hand, "Hello Teddy, it's a pleasure to meet you." The boy frowns and it takes Remus a moment to register that four year olds' rarely greet one another with the shaking of hands.

The boy surprises him however with a soft wave before taking his mothers hand once more. "Hello. It's nice to meet you too."

The words are forced, and awkward. And Tonks wonders how she ended up here of all places. With a husband and son who know nothing of one another's beauty other than what they have heard from her and their few friends.

Ginny comes over then, stunning in a white gown. Teddy launches himself into her arms from four metres away and Tonks immediately becomes conscious of the few muggles in the room. But the two fat men and somewhat anorexic looking woman are far too horrified at Luna Lovegood's attire to notice the young boy and his Godmother. "Shall we go find Harry?" she asks and he nods. Tonks smiles, she imagines he would follow her anywhere. Ginny nods to the two of them and turns away in search of her new husband.

"They seem happy." he comments and she glares at him, raising her eyebrow.

"We were happy too. We still would be if you hadn't,' she pauses. If she finishes that sentence it will be the end and she can't live with it being the end. Not when they're still alive and capable of happiness. "We still would be if you would just stop. If you would just come home and love us and stop hating the world for what it's done to you. Stop hating yourself."

She's crying now. And for a moment he considers it. Considers what it would be like to come home to the two of them and just be. And then he remembers what he is and what he has and repeats the speech he has told her a million times and to which she won't listen. "I'm too old for you, too poor, too dangerous. I can never be enough for you, for him."

She's heard it before and all the while she's willing him to believe that he is enough. That he has always been enough. But he cannot. And so they stand there, cherishing one another's existence for only a moment.

"Remus?" she asks and he looks up. "I'll think of you. Tonight. The moon" He nods. He wishes she wouldn't and yet he's grateful she does. She turns to leave in search of her son but turns back at the last moment. "Our door, it's always open. For you." And then she's gone.

She's not expecting him to be there when she shows up unannounced at Molly's house two years later. He hasn't been replying to her owls and she's since stopped sending them. So when she looks up from the fireplace to see Molly tending to his most recent wounds she has nothing to say. Because it should be her, she should be the one touching him. "Tonks dear, I wasn't expecting you. I would have…'

"It's fine Molly,' Tonks smiles cutting her off. "I should have warned you". She takes a seat across from them on the plush, brown sofas. She's grateful that the war's closure has left them better off financially and able to afford such luxuries rather that having to transfigure uncomfortable items in order to accommodate their ever growing and somewhat unusual family.

"Minerva told me you accepted the Defence position at Hogwarts?" She states turning to Remus. To Molly it probably sounds like small talk but they know better. It's an accusation. Because they both know how fucked up it is that he can justify immersing himself into Hogwarts and not his wife and child.

"Yes. If you don't want me to I'll…' he leaves the sentence open to interpretation and she glares at him.

"I'm not your mother Remus. Thank goodness for that. And I'm certainly not about to sit here and criticise you for doing something you love. I just wish you would open your eyes and realise that some loves are more important than others." She's secretly grateful. A small part of her hopes that in five years time, when her son arrives at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry that it will send him back into her arms. There's another part of her that's dying at the possibility of spending another five years apart from the one she loves.

Molly suddenly becomes very distracted with her knitting and vacates the room. She approaches him then, careful not to jostle him as she sits down and starts applying salve to his shoulder using the sponge provided. She doesn't touch him with her hands, because she can't.

The silence is killing her and so she begins to explain how Teddy is currently at Shell's Cottage due to him and Victoire having set her lounge on fire. She hasn't quite established the best way to eradicate the smell and he offers somewhat helpful suggestions as she continues tending to the gaping wounds covering his right side. He's grateful, both for her talking and healing skills. He doesn't say as much however, because he knows that if he does it will only serve to entertain her impossible dream of their reconciliation.

She invites him to Teddy's eighth birthday before he leaves. But he never comes.

The forth time it happens she's also not expecting it. She comes here once a month, to the place where it all started. And he must too because the dark glass bottles she leaves behind, courtesy of NEWT level potions, are always empty when she returns. He knows it's her. And she knows he knows it's her. And that's why she comes back, because it's her only way of telling she loves him without having her heart ripped from her chest once more.

When the fire flashes green she reacts, disarming the intruder. She knows it won't be Harry or Ginny because they're at home with Teddy. And he's the only other person that comes back to Grimmauld Place anymore. Embarrassed, she returns his wand and redirects her attention to distributing the Wolfspane potion amongst the seven bottles, one for each day of the week preceding the new moon.

He stands across from her, offering a smile that fails to reach his eyes. "How's Teddy?" He asks, and she smiles because as much as he doesn't want to believe it, he's a parent now too.

She seals the last of the bottles before holding out a photo. On it, a young wizard chases a snitch through the sky. It's weathered. She's been carrying it around for months now, intending to leave it alongside the bottles. And yet she never does. "It should have been you,' she pauses, 'taking the photo I mean." It's not an accusation, merely a statement although he sees it as something else entirely.

"He deserves more than a poor, elderly werewolf who abandoned him and his mother at the first sign of struggle."

She looks up willing herself not to shed another tear over the man she loves. "The more times you say that Remus, the truer it becomes." She turns then, her eyes set on the fireplace only metres away from where they both stand but before she can move he reaches out and cups her shoulder. It's the first time he's touched her in eight years and it sets her body ablaze.

Their faces are only inches apart now. She's willing him to kiss her, to make the pain go away and yet she knows he won't. Because the bravery the sorting hat once credited him for didn't consider the implications of a broken heart. "Tonks,' he begins, his voice rough, 'I'm sorry."

She wants to know what for, but she doesn't ask. Instead she nods and enters the fireplace, her chest ripping into a thousand pieces for what feels like the millionth time. "Me too." She whispers. She doesn't think he hears her, but he does.

Teddy is practically flying as he pulls her through Diagon Alley waving around his first wand. He's unable to actually use it yet but that hasn't stopped him from smashing in two of Olivander's windows and singeing her robes. His Hogwarts letter arrived less than two hours ago and yet he was determined to arrive the moment the Leaky Cauldron opened. They enter Weasleys' Wizarding Weasles and he grips her hand immediately. Remus Lupin is talking to George from behind the counter.

It's not that he hates his father, more so that he's absolutely terrified his father hates him and is less than ecstatic about the conditions surrounding his departure. But they've been seen and so she begrudgingly pulls him towards the two men. "Teddy my man,' George begins, his eyes darting between the child's parents. "Blown anything up lately?"

"Nothing of consequence." He replies absentmindedly turning to look at his father. She thinks he must have heard the phrase in a book. The calibre of his language has a tendency to jump rather erratically depending on his audience.

"Professor McGonagall mentioned you'd had an owl sent out." Remus remarks. "Any idea what house you' like to be in?" She's sure he's spoken the words many times though she doubts they've been uttered in such circumstances. He's your son she thinks, not Pansy Parkinson's shitful nephew.

"Harry was in Gryffindor. I'll probably be in Gryffindor too." Teddy knows he's hit a nerve. She has informed him on more than one occasion that he was in Gryffindor and is in fact the head of house. Ironically this is the main reason he wants to be in the house in the first place. He turns and departs, muttering something about needing to find Victoire Weasley a present for her tenth birthday.

George quickly follows Teddy in a fashion similar to that of his mother only a few years previously. She turns to him then, he looks older than last time, although she's not ashamed to admit that she still finds him just as, if not more attractive as the first day they met.

"How are you?" He asks and she rolls her eyes.

"My husband's barely acknowledged my existence for the past twelve years. How do you think I am? Not to mention the fact that my sons about to piss off to boarding school. I imagine I'll be spending a lot more time at the Potters' from now on. Borrow their children. They have enough to spare." She's droning now. Embarrassed, she shuts her mouth and turns to glare at him.

"They won't mind. They adore you almost as much as I do." His voice is casual, as if it's entirely acceptable to be declaring his love for her after all he's done.

"You can't do that. You can't pretend to love me one minute and then revert back to your prudish conservative boring old self the next."

"You think I'm boring?" He smirks but stops teasing her the moment her eyes reach his. "You're right, it's entirely unfair. I apologise."

"You haven't changed your mind then?" She questions, hope infiltrating her otherwise steady voice.

"Tonks I've told you this before I…'

"I know. I know. You're too old and too poor and far too dangerous to be romantically or familiarly involved in any capacity. But honestly Remus, I've seen what Harry gets paid when he covers for you and I can't for the life of me understand what you're doing with your money that has left you in such a predicament. The Hogwarts teachers salary really is quite decent." She's grinning. It's a joke of course, ever since he started back he's been paying more than his fair share of child support and before that Harry had provided it on his behalf. He likes that she's joking with him. Reminds him of who they were, what they had. Could have.

Teddy returns then and after she's paid for the purple pile of explosive goo in his hands, much to his and George's protest, they turn to leave. He doesn't say anything at first but just as they open the door he calls after her.

"I wasn't pretending. I'm not pretending." She smiles.

"I know you're not. I'm not an idiot. Although it's nice to hear all the same."

He grins. "It was nice to see you Teddy." His son nods.

Outside Teddy turns to his mother. "I think he was flirting with you."

"You think?"

"I know. I was subjected to an article detailing all the signs courtesy of Witch Weekly and Rita Skeeter the other day at Bill and Fleurs." She smiles and they continue towards Flourish and Blotts in search of textbooks.

The group of first years arranged at the back of the great hall is undeniably the smallest he's ever seen, no doubt a by-product of the Second Wizarding War. Most people weren't mental enough to bring a child into the world at a time of such fear and insecurity. But his wife isn't most people and as he looks toward the green haired boy in oversized robes he couldn't be more grateful for that fact.

It had been coming on slowly, the realisation that she might actually be right. She certainly had a point regarding his income. And he'd recently accepted that if he was going to continue aging, he might as well do it alongside her. The Werewolf aspect wasn't something he could rectify. But perhaps that was okay. Perhaps the complications his affliction posed monthly were preferable to absence in its entirety.

He had considered leaving. Before the boy, his son, arrived to begin his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But in the end he couldn't bring himself to do it. For years he's maintained distance in order to protect the ones he loves. He wonders if his capacity to do so can be attributed not to his perseverance, but to his own subconscious and its belief that they would one day be happy again.

It's Teddy who ultimately decides for him. The Sorting Hat screams "Hufflepuff" and the young boy grins briefly at his father before turning to join his future classmates at the same table his mother once shared. They would be okay.

A knock at the door alerts her to the fact that she's no longer alone. She's expecting a visit from her mother, although she can't help but hope it's someone else. Someone better. It takes her a moment to destroy all evidence of her attempt at cooking and by the time she does make it to the door the cloaked figure has already turned away. It's him. And he's been alerted to her presence courtesy of her weighted gasp. They stand like that for a long moment. They love one another and they're meant for each other and yet neither of them is entirely sure how to be.

"What are you doing here?" She means it to sound rude, disgruntled. But instead she sounds like a petulant teenager. And he hasn't moved and it's worrying her. For all she knows he's come to tell her that he's quitting his position and moving to Albania and that's what scares her the most. She turns around then. And for a moment he thinks she's leaving but she holds the door open and he follows he. And he can't imagine how he ever managed not to follow her.

"Are you going to say anything or are you just going to stand there catching flies?" He closes his mouth, unaware of it ever having been open.

"I came to see you." It's not until the words leave his mouth that he realises how stupid he sounds.

"Well you're certainly not here to see Teddy given that you live in the same building." She's stops. And he smiles because she's so her. And for a moment they're so them. And then the moment ends and he sits himself down on a sofa he doesn't recognise in a room he should have known and he looks at her and he gets it.

"I owe you an apology." He begins and she snorts. He pauses, ready for the screaming and the yelling and the hitting and the screaming but it never comes. She's waiting for him to continue. And so he does. "You were right of course, about everything. What we have, what we had, it meant more than my being a poor and too old and a werewolf. And you tried to tell me that and I dismissed you. I was wrong, so wrong and I know you can never forgive me for what I've done, to our son, to you, to us. But I promise I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. Whatever you need it's yours. I'm yours."

She paused for a moment. Satisfied that she could finally say what she truly felt without fear that it would push him even further away. "You left me. Alone and pregnant." The phrase sounded almost like a question.

"Yes."

"To give birth to our son alone."

He lowered his head to his hands. "Yes."

"For eleven years you left me to raise our child alone."

"Yes."

"You didn't believe in us, in our love. You didn't trust me enough to love you."

"I know. Tonks I'm sorry, more sorry than you can ever imagine."

"I'm going to hex you now."

He attempts to offer her his consent but she interrupts him. "Anteoculatia" she enunciates just as his hair disappears and his head begins to sprout a rather impressive set of antlers.

"I deserved that." He mutters and she grins.

"You most certainly did. Although I must say you're beginning to look far too much like Potter's patronus that I would really like. I prefer the wolf if I do say so myself.

"I hope you have some idea as to how to rectify this situation?"

"None."

"I have to work tomorrow."

"I am well aware."

"Tonks I…"

"Don't Remus, I forgave you a long time ago. I've spent enough of my life hating you. Right now I'm just glad you're not spending the night alone." She adjusts her position and knelt between his legs, only to ram her shoulder into his heads latest edition.

"I was only joking." He raises his eyebrows and the antlers begin to disappear as she mutters the counter spell.

"You're going to be the death of me woman." She grins. In order for her to be the death of him she needs to actually be with him in the first place. "I love you Remus Lupin."

"As I love you Nymphadora Lupin." She swatted his arm with more force than was necessary.

"Don't call me Nymphadora!"


End file.
